Friday, July 31
Rant 3.0
1. the feeling of rejection is never pleasant. nobody likes it, i believe. heart crushing. it takes away all your energy you don't even feel like doing anything that you often like doing when you're stressed. dejected. feels so heavy like gravity is 10 times stronger than usual. missing someone/something so precious, you're sad, hurt and devastated you actually don't feel like you're gonna survive through the night. and when tomorrow comes, you just have to face it again and all the dreadful feelings begin again. sometimes you just wish it all ends. regardless.
Thursday, July 16
rant 2.0
1. Liking/loving someone/something can often lead to disappointment because most often the feeling does not reciprocate. Hence, that act should be considered an act of self harm. Thinking of doing it therefore is a thought of self harm. Sign of depression.
2. Most people don't even give a shit about you. So for goodness sake, please stop caring so much about them.
2. Most people don't even give a shit about you. So for goodness sake, please stop caring so much about them.
Friday, July 3
Rant
1. I am not one who expresses himself often - verbally or written. especially the former. there are a lot of things that i wished i had said or wanted to say or still want to say but just don't. or can't. because i do not know how to. and that kinda sucks.
2. the more i am with people, the lonelier i feel. maybe sometimes, the things that people post on social media is really coming to live. i am talking about technology. for years, i have always been living alone and most times i feel quite lonely. so when i do actually get a chance to live or just be with someone for a short time, i'd greatly appreciate it. but it saddens me and makes me feel even lonelier when the person is always busy with their phones, chatting away with someone else that is not physically there. i guess we don't really need physical being anymore nowadays. at times when this happens i feel that i'm better off on my own. talking about spending quality time. heh.
3. i may think too much but things that happen in my life, i believe there's always meanings behind them. and i think think and think, trying to find the meaning behind each events if it means a lot to me, until i finally settle on one or maybe a few. and i can rest my head. but most of the times, things changes afterwards and whatever i thought will proved to be wrong. sometimes i feel like nothing is true anymore.
2. the more i am with people, the lonelier i feel. maybe sometimes, the things that people post on social media is really coming to live. i am talking about technology. for years, i have always been living alone and most times i feel quite lonely. so when i do actually get a chance to live or just be with someone for a short time, i'd greatly appreciate it. but it saddens me and makes me feel even lonelier when the person is always busy with their phones, chatting away with someone else that is not physically there. i guess we don't really need physical being anymore nowadays. at times when this happens i feel that i'm better off on my own. talking about spending quality time. heh.
3. i may think too much but things that happen in my life, i believe there's always meanings behind them. and i think think and think, trying to find the meaning behind each events if it means a lot to me, until i finally settle on one or maybe a few. and i can rest my head. but most of the times, things changes afterwards and whatever i thought will proved to be wrong. sometimes i feel like nothing is true anymore.
Friday, March 14
.
feels like giving up. remembering why i started in the first place doesn't help. low mood. thought of self harm with no intention nor plan.
maybe i should really get some help this time.
maybe i should really get some help this time.
Thursday, November 7
why
i am now up to a point where i just stop, and suddenly ask myself: why am i here? why am i doing medicine?
yes, it's a rhetorical question. i still remember all the reasons why i took up medicine in the first place. to help people, and about the hadith (which i can't really remember the exact wordings now, but i do remember the points) etc2. what have got the question to pop up in my head again is because i'm stressed. i feel so out of place. i don't remember anything i learned. it's like i never learn anything. at all. and then all my colleagues are saying they're stressed. heh. yeah right. try being me. ask them questions, they can answer most of it. can't memorise one word from a sentence, that's all. stress.
yes, it's a rhetorical question. i still remember all the reasons why i took up medicine in the first place. to help people, and about the hadith (which i can't really remember the exact wordings now, but i do remember the points) etc2. what have got the question to pop up in my head again is because i'm stressed. i feel so out of place. i don't remember anything i learned. it's like i never learn anything. at all. and then all my colleagues are saying they're stressed. heh. yeah right. try being me. ask them questions, they can answer most of it. can't memorise one word from a sentence, that's all. stress.
Sunday, November 3
travel
blog has becoming less popular now. meh.
i'm going to travel to europe this summer. (ie winter there). and there's A LOT of nice places that i want to go. i'm not really keen on going to major cities, amazingly (or weirdly, maybe). i prefer scenic places. natural stuff. like snow covered mountains, cliffs, etc3. or if it is city, i like those that look quite.. wahhhh..with its' awesomeness. yeah i don't really know how to describe this in words. go then, you'd say. i would love to. the only thing i need is money. it really saddens me to look at the flight tickets to the places i wanted to go during that period. normally it's just 10-20$, during that period it's 100+. unbelievable. so this post act more of a reminder to myself about the places that i plan to go. insyaAllah next year, if i've got enough money, i need to plan WAY AHEAD about going here.
i - salzburg, austria
ii- prague, czech
iii - tallin, estonia
iv - norway
v- chamonix, france
vi- swiss
after all my research in order to do my itinerary, those are the places that caught my attention. sadly as i said, expensive to go (this year). so maybe next time. kalau ada rezeki. do a solo tour around eastern europe.
i'm going to travel to europe this summer. (ie winter there). and there's A LOT of nice places that i want to go. i'm not really keen on going to major cities, amazingly (or weirdly, maybe). i prefer scenic places. natural stuff. like snow covered mountains, cliffs, etc3. or if it is city, i like those that look quite.. wahhhh..with its' awesomeness. yeah i don't really know how to describe this in words. go then, you'd say. i would love to. the only thing i need is money. it really saddens me to look at the flight tickets to the places i wanted to go during that period. normally it's just 10-20$, during that period it's 100+. unbelievable. so this post act more of a reminder to myself about the places that i plan to go. insyaAllah next year, if i've got enough money, i need to plan WAY AHEAD about going here.
i - salzburg, austria
ii- prague, czech
iii - tallin, estonia
iv - norway
v- chamonix, france
vi- swiss
after all my research in order to do my itinerary, those are the places that caught my attention. sadly as i said, expensive to go (this year). so maybe next time. kalau ada rezeki. do a solo tour around eastern europe.
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