Saturday, January 21

rock bottom

i have a little confession to make.
it is not often that i pour my heart out. but now it feels like i am already overwhelm by what's going with me.
i have changed. i am not the person i am used to be. obviously change is inevitable. it occurs to everything in this life.
but for me. i feel like i have lost myself. i have hit rock bottom. place i never imagined i would be. yet here i am. i have lost my way. feel like i am currently living in the dark, i could easily relate to the line " i am nothing but a shadow in the night". i have lost.
and it feels like i am alone in this. physically, yes i am alone. i have no support. i have no close network. when i try to vent to friends i only get the same generic advice - be strong, be patient. i know it all too well. i used to say that to people too. now i know what they feel like.
being strong in this context is not equivalent to being strong in say, trying to lift heavy weight.
it is always hard to deal with something you cannot physically see, yet experience the effect of.
what have i become.
i wish i have an old save that i can load.
turning back is actually not what i need to do. i need to go forward. i have developed in other ways too in this change. but that feels so little as compared to the negativity that comes the same time.
i need support.
cannot do this by myself.

"Lihatlah kepada apa yang dikatakan, jangan lihat kepada siapa yang berkata," - Saidina Ali k.w


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