why

i am now up to a point where i just stop, and suddenly ask myself: why am i here? why am i doing medicine?
yes, it's a rhetorical question. i still remember all the reasons why i took up medicine in the first place. to help people, and about the hadith (which i can't really remember the exact wordings now, but i do remember the points) etc2. what have got the question to pop up in my head again is because i'm stressed. i feel so out of place. i don't remember anything i learned. it's like i never learn anything. at all. and then all my colleagues are saying they're stressed. heh. yeah right. try being me. ask them questions, they can answer most of it. can't memorise one word from a sentence, that's all. stress.

travel

blog has becoming less popular now. meh.

i'm going to travel to europe this summer. (ie winter there). and there's A LOT of nice places that i want to go. i'm not really keen on going to major cities, amazingly (or weirdly, maybe). i prefer scenic places. natural stuff. like snow covered mountains, cliffs, etc3. or if it is city, i like those that look quite.. wahhhh..with its' awesomeness. yeah i don't really know how to describe this in words. go then, you'd say. i would love to. the only thing i need is money. it really saddens me to look at the flight tickets to the places i wanted to go during that period. normally it's just 10-20$, during that period it's 100+. unbelievable. so this post act more of a reminder to myself about the places that i plan to go. insyaAllah next year, if i've got enough money, i need to plan WAY AHEAD about going here.

i - salzburg, austria
ii- prague, czech
iii - tallin, estonia
iv - norway
v- chamonix, france
vi- swiss

after all my research in order to do my itinerary, those are the places that caught my attention. sadly as i said, expensive to go (this year). so maybe next time. kalau ada rezeki. do a solo tour around eastern europe.

Car Break Down

this is a day that i will remember. on the way back from blacktown, our car just died. like, died. happened before, but could be restarted. not this time it didn't. it was around 1710, 3 minutes past maghrib. i just had sips of water for iftar. to add to it, the car died in the middle of the street. one lane, no shoulder. but lucky enough we didnt block the traffic so much. a little about 10-15 minutes later, this guy pulled up in front of us, while we were trying to deal with the insurance company to send roadside assistance. he offered help. though i was constantly suspicious and be on my guard, after reading about a lot of scams in malaysia, that guy, salesi was really an honest mechanic. not only did he jumpstart our car, he did a very thorough job, like how a consultant would. he offered to check the engine as his 'provisional diagnosis' was spark plug problem. so we cancelled the tow truck and whatnots as per his instruction, and drove to the nearest petrol station with whats left of the car's strength. then off he start. but there was no tool to even unscrewing the spark plugs from their socket. salesi brought us to his workshop to gather some tools that he needed for that, and a few other stuff. then we headed back to the car and he began checking. no problem with the spark plug, he proceeded with engine compressions. then wires. wires fine, checked the injector and air leak. now theres something wrong he suggested how to fix them with cheapest price possible. after all that, he just charged us 20$, and said "i just charged so that you wont feel guilty you know,". and i guess, its true enough. not that he needed money anyway. his weekly income is about 6k after tax. if he refused to take any money or anything, we will feel guilty since he helped sooooo much. and it took a lot of his time. and we didnt even ask for any! :')  god bless you salesi. the world needs more people like you. thanks.

frustration

like many other people, there are things that bring them down. or make them frustrated. for me, one of them would be myself.

you see, i don't talk that much. when i encounter someone who does, sometimes i can blend in but most of the time i don't. i don't know how to make conversations. especially when they are talking about things i have little knowledge of. especially in english. what usually happens is they talk, i end up listening. and not really contributing to the conversation. and this makes me feel bad. it's as if i give them the impression that i'm not interested. or unfriendly. i hate that. not that i don't care. i just don't know how to continue from there. depressing. haihh.

Macarthur Disability Services

for my third rotation, i'm attached to this centre, which provides a lot of services and support to the disabled, and carers. seeing that i have to write an essay at the end of the rotation which basically revolves around reflecting upon this attachment, i figured i might write whatever happened in the blog first.

day 1:

this week i'm under Transition To Work (TTW). what they do is helping school leavers, mostly, prepare for work environment. or work life. although, they are also some who to my mind don't really fit the category "school leavers". yes, that kind of program would be most beneficial for you and i. but no, this is not for the ordinaries. participants are ones with disabilities. what exactly, i have no idea. yet. but as for what i saw, they were somehow mentally challenged, if you like. or maybe mental health issues. they look normal. they act normal. they talk normal. until they start doing work.

today, the task was to design a room and a yard. that's all. the catch was, be specific and practical. you want to put grass in the yard, for example, specify what type of grass. how much will that cost. dude, work -.- and boy they were chatty. for the first two hours, nothing was done. a lot of noise, talking about random stuff. footy, weekend etc etc. playing around. you really have to tell them to do their work for them to start looking up for something on the computer. or start drawing. or start thinking, even. yes, it's a lot like kindergarten. difference is, these are adults we're talking about. some who did actually try to focus on work, got stressed up in like just a few minutes. only because they couldn't find what they were looking for on google. and that was only because they didn't search properly. some started shaking as they were drawing. after that only i realised how this program is important. why this program is needed. they are not capable to do work yet.

and then also i feel very grateful for what i am. for what God has given me.

at the end of the day, work is done, of course. and what can you say, their work was pretty normal stuff. what you and i can do. some came up with very creative ideas. only not so practical. just like what we did in school. designed as per our crazy imaginations.

as for me, i learned heaps. though didn't do much, i got a lot from observation. and yes, i learned stuff about grass, fish, gardening and stuff that i never get to learn before. or now, since i am in medical school. so it's an eye opening experience, i should say. and i'm thankful for being given chance to be here, and met those amazing guys. they are friendly! even friendlier than most people in my batch.

i never look at myself as superior to them. i never look down on other people, which include these people. people with disabilities are people too! they sure know something i don't.

day 2 :

we played quidditch today!! for those who don't know what on earth is quiddtich - like me - it's a sport made famous by harry potter. well, theoretically it can only be played by harry potter and friends (read: crew) since it involves flying broom stick and whatnots. with a little modification though, we manage to play it. so it's the first time for me. not from them.

i didn't really know my limits around them, but somehow i think i have go beyond them? while warming up, we practiced passing the ball to each other. also, threw the ball as to hit one of us. when it's my turn to be the one being thrown at, like how people would react, they will avoid being hit. i think i did really well avoiding the ball. in fact, maybe too well that i stayed in for a quite long time, and this was when i sensed that some people got annoyed. you see, from what i saw, these people's patience is very low. they get stressed and anxious very easily. failing to hit me? yeah that's one of the cause, i reckon.

anywho, game went well, everyone was happy. and tired, after.

day 3:

Daylight saving time

my first experience in changing the clock due to daylight saving time.

bangun pagi sebab dengar azan kat laptop roommate. tak tengok jam, terus pergi solat. lepas tu kejut dia,
"weh, bangun subuh, 630 dah,"
"630 ke 530?"

hah. cuak aku. tengok2 jam baru 530 rupanya. kalau ikut normal nya, subuh 550. tak masuk waktu lagi ke? tadi azan apa?
rupa-rupanya, daylight saving dah tutup. maka tolak sejam dari waktu biasa. now kembali gst+10.
haha.

begitulah pengalaman cuak masa berubah di tempat orang. record dlm nih lah. xtau nk letak kt mana.

apa benda ni?

wahaaiii~~!!

lama sudah tak update blog. up to a point macam dah tak wujud blog ni. kesian. maklumlah, semakin lama, semakin maju technologically. software pun selalu tukar baru, begitu juga social media. nak post gambar makanan dah ada instagram. haha. kesian blog macam dah tak laku.

anyway, third year dah medic. maka busy lah jugak. lazy pun ada. post birthdayy pun tak siap2 lagi
-.-

boboiboyy