'keeping in touch'

you know when some people don't contact you that much, then suddenly do? and so often it is when they need something from you. so you're kinda like their lifeline or some sort.

that is quite sad. it is.

but i'm quite used to it. in fact, i think at this point i am glad if people do that. means they remember me to a certain degree. and it always feels so good to be able to help people in need. kinda feel useful and in some way it gives more sense of purpose in life.

of course, as with a lot of other things in this indefinite world, things change. new things develop. as i was quite comfortable with people contacting me once in a blue moon to seek help, a new phenomenon arises that quite catches me off guard.

people who rarely contact me suddenly do. and out of what my optimistic self could think of as politeness, they often begin with pleasantries. how are you, how's life been, how's it going so far etc etc. some even go to the extent of cracking jokes. i am quite pleased with all that and i think it is nice of them to do that, seeing how it has been ages since we talk/chat. genuinely i entertain the chatter, expecting some good catch up session. then suddenly, they tell me the 'true' purpose of them contacting me. the TRUE PURPOSE. i have never felt so betrayed in my life. no. that's an exaggeration. i have been betrayed worse. nevertheless, i feel betrayed when people do this. all that nice caring words - they have all been fake? because catching up as such was apparently not the TRUE PURPOSE of the conversation. sort of saying "i don't care about you actually, i just need your help, but before you do, i will pretend like i care so that the possibility of you helping me would be higher," gosh.

and then of course, after they receive what they so inquire, conversation ends. and never to happen again. well, until another need arises i suppose.

but seriously, though the aforementioned method of 'testing the water' would work fine on other people, or maybe in fact preferred by some, i think that is just a complete rubbish. if you don't want to do it, don't do it. i would rather much prefer someone contacts me for help, by straightaway stating they need my help from the very beginning. no time wasted.

so thence on, i have become ever so careful about long loss people suddenly contacting me and behave ever so politely.

things like this contribute more to my trust issue with people.